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Family Spotlight with the NICU
with the Brown Family.
In this video, the Brown Family discusses their personal experiences with the NICU.
Transcript
Hi, I’m Stacy Brown, mother of five, the last of whom were unexpected triplets, born at 28 weeks, 5 days. Altogether we have four girls and one boy. Howdy, I’m Eric Brown, the proud father of the five, including the one boy who I like to call my Lone Ranger.
How long did your baby stay in the NICU?
So with multiples comes a multiple of factors, no pun intended. We were told that there would be the possibility that they could all come at the same time. Two could come home, one would be there, one could come home, two be there. Just all the varieties of ways in which they could come home. What ended up happening is one of the girls came home at 55 days and then the other two came home at 73 days.
What were the procedures for visiting in the NICU?
So the NICU did have controlled access for both to control security and exposure for not just our babies that were in NICU, but all the babies that were in the NICU. There was a phone that you’d call and the charge nurse would answer it and you would tell her who you were there to see, and then she would buzz the door. You’d go in and it was a room with big sinks and you have to wash your hands for three minutes and then you could go into the NICU. This was a procedure you had to do every time. So even if I had to step out into the hallway to take a phone call, when I go back in and had to call the charge nurse and wash hands again and that was just for safety, security of not only our children but all the children in the NICU.
So another thing to note was that we actually had a list for our family that was maintained by the nurses and each family represented in the NICU or each baby represented in the NICU, you could put I believe it was ten people on your list who were approved to go in and see your babies and it as our time in the NICU progressed that dwindled a little bit as some precautions got tighter due to flu season and RSV season. But, our older children were able to go in and see the NICU and see the babies. We all had to wear the yellow gowns when we were going to hold the babies and typically each person was only allowed to hold one baby a day, which was very difficult for me as mom going in to see three babies. But I definitely understood the reasoning why we were not near our home so we couldn’t go and shower or clean up between babies. So there was always the chance of spreading germs and they didn’t want that to happen and of course, neither did we. So it was important that we maintained those sanitary procedures. So the gowns in addition to also shoe covers, I believe were also necessary.
How did you deal with the emotional aspect of the NICU, and what ways were you able to bond with them?
So for me, one of the best things about our particular NICU experience is the nurses and doctors. The staff as a whole was amazing and welcoming. Oftentimes you hear about dads not necessarily being treated equal to mom. However, that was not our experience. And as I’ve actually come to find out through volunteering with March of Dimes that we actually had a very great and positive experience that a lot of dads don’t get. But me as a father, the nursing staff, doctor staff, treated me the same as mom. They always, we had primary care nurses who whenever they would call and check in, since they knew I was living back home in College Station and the girls were in Houston, they would do the daily report for Mom, who was generally at the hospital at the time. But then the evening report, they would always call me and give the girl stats, how they’ve done that day, what their feelings were like. And then also they would just check in and say how’s the week been going for you Dad? How are things going with the older two? So they really focused on providing a whole health care for us, not just from the physical aspect, but checking in on our mental health as parents and to see how we’re doing. With the hospital and the visitation, they had 24 hour access, which was nice because again with our children they were actually only limited to 20/30 minutes of time during their visit and oftentimes on weekends whenever everybody was down, I would wake up like at three in the morning and just go to the hospital and hold babies for two or three hours and. Luckily I had a lot of button up shirts and so what I do is just sit there, unbutton my shirt, put them in and do the kangaroo care and just hold hold babies, you know? It was a tough experience but loved every minute of it.
We also were blessed to be able to access some resources that the hospital provided for us. There’s a child life specialist on staff there who was able to, when our older children did come visit, you know, she would come in and do visits and explain to them what those wires were for on their sisters, why they needed to wear those, that they weren’t hurting them, this is how we put it on. You know, when you’re holding them, make sure that it stays where it’s supposed to. And so that was great to have that explanation, not just for them, but for me too, for me to understand why they were wearing things and to know that those weren’t so scary and that it was okay if one got bumped off here and there and one could pull tubes out. And she did. And so having that explanation of those resources was really great for us, as well as family support from the hospital itself. OK, quick pause. Falling off again.
How did you manage two children at home and three babies in the hospital, and how difficult was that?
It was a juggling act and then some. You know, I was working full time, had to, no choice. The children had school. We were very lucky in that we are public educators. We know the system and have friends that work in all districts and their teachers. We were friends with the counselor at their school that our older two would go with. So she was on top of them as far as making sure all their needs were met. And we’re able, kind of knowing what we would be facing that year, she very specifically picked out all of their teachers for them, knowing that they would just need more than an education that year. For me, as dad, just did a lot of driving. For two months, I had logged think roughly 7000 miles. Driving back and forth to Houston was worth every minute. Would have to say that family and friends came out from everywhere. Her sister lives in Houston. My parents, both of our parents, are from Waco, so we had family very close by. We have lots of friends from having been in the community for the amount of time we have. We had friends all the time doing stuff. Like I would come home Wednesday from my midweek visit to the girls and would find gift cards under our doormat. We would, Sunday evening when I was driving back with the older two kids, be getting phone calls, say, hey, I know you are headed back from Houston, what time you going to be back? And that I expect to be back around this time. Like okay, well, dinner will be at your house by this time.
It was a very, very coordinated effort of the community around us I would say, that kept things going back at home, and kept me in Houston. Truthfully, I was very lucky. When the girls were first born, we immediately began planning. I said I’m not leaving them here at the hospital without me, and we didn’t know how we were going to make that work. And our community around us really rallied. And through the kindness of friends who reached out to their friends, I ended up moving in with a sweet retired couple in Houston who had never met me and I had never met them. And they said she can come live with us. And they became our surrogate grandparents and would drive me back and forth to the hospital and pack my lunch box every day and just were amazing. And Eric would come when he would come midweek, he would also stay with them. When he would bring the older kids up on the weekend, they would come and stay with them and swim in their pool. And we just became family. And so, knowing that there was such a coordinated effort from our church family and our community back home, who really, like Eric said, rallied around and made sure every need that we had was met from the lawn being mowed, to the house being cleaned, just laundry, everything, we could rest assured that if anything came up that needed to be taken care of, they were going to be there. Including when the girls were transferred from Houston back to the hospital and College Station, we had a team community of people who were waiting outside the hospital to meet them and pray over them as they walked inside. So it was really, we learned a lot about our community during that time. Which was very important because you hear about the quote unquote “pregnancy brain” and things that happen, well NICU brain is about 1000 times worse.
What kept you going while all the babies were in the NICU? At any point, did you feel like losing hope?
I think for me, because I was there really every day and seeing the babies around us who were not as blessed as we were and whose moms and dads couldn’t be there with them every day and who had to go back to work. And there was no other option. They didn’t have, they weren’t blessed with the community that we had. So knowing that I needed to take advantage of the fact that I could be there and just be so thankful that I could be helped me a lot. And knowing that it wouldn’t be that way forever. And that all my babies were healthy and that they were going to go home when so many around us were facing such harder trials than we were. And babies who were so sick and had been there already for so long and just had, they didn’t know when they were going to get home. And so being able to appreciate my situation but also walk through with other families really meant a lot to me in my journey. And knowing that my kids were in such good hands with their dad back home.
Say the theme “fight like a preemie”, the girls showed it every single day. The good thing that the NICU nurses and doctors do is they celebrate every single milestone, no matter, no matter how big or small. I mean, if it was today they went from 8 millimeters to 10 millimeters of feeding. They were celebrating. It’s today they kept their feeding tube in for the whole feeding. As you mentioned Sylvie did not cooperate with that and we had a friend that had to crochet an octopus which we will bring one day. But every single victory no matter how big or small, the NICU staff made sure we were aware and celebrated. And so it was, it was very good because it showed that progress is progress no matter how big or small it is and it just showed that they were improving, they were getting healthier day by day, bit by bit and that there would be an end to the journey. They couldn’t tell us when. And didn’t want to tell us when to not get our hopes up, but they could always assure us that hey, this is progress, we are moving forward. Every child is going to move at their own pace, but we are moving forward. And so just having that constant, not only having that constant, hearing that constant reassurance, but seeing it, seeing them grow. Remember the first day that she sent me pictures like, “Look real clothes” and like, “Oh my goodness, that’s so amazing.” Now they are preemie clothes and they still swallowed them up, but it was wonderful because they had only been swaddled up to this point and couldn’t wear real clothes. And so now that they’re big enough to actually put up real close, it’s like it was a huge thing for both of us to see them, like now they’re almost they’re real, they’re real babies.
What aspects of the NICU surprised you?
The bedside manner. Doctors and nurses, as I’ve spoken on many times, that’s one of the things that I will admire, brag about, tell everybody about till the day that I die is that the care provided by the doctors and nurses, again, not only for our babies, but again, how much they focus on what I tell people as a whole family care and they’re they’re concerned for my health, my mental health, my well being. Their concern for moms, mental health moms, mental well-being. The NICU nurses, you know, we were in there for several holidays, so like two of our primary nurses both made these amazing goodie bags for our older children for Halloween. They, just their, you know, our doctors experience that one just been minimal because. We’re both healthy had never had really any surgery and things so didn’t know what to expect but we had been told we do have friends who had been babies in the NICU and one of the things that one of them told us was actually one particular friend. Whenever we found out that she was being life flighted and she came to visit me at the hospital before I raced to Houston, she hugged my neck and she told me the last thing she told me was you’re about to meet the most amazing medical people in the world and. It’s definitely true.
That being said, I think it’s, I’ve talked about how lucky we were and we’ve heard so many stories from other families who had children in the NICU who didn’t have the same experience that we did. So we do realize that every experience is different. But ours was incredibly blessed. We were also blessed in that our babies were such fighters and were so healthy to begin with. And like I said, we didn’t have surgeries, we didn’t have sickness, you know, and so many other families dealt with so much that was so hard. And so I think that that maybe was the most surprising for me. I guess within NICU families, there’s a saying that the NICU is a roller coaster and some days you’re at the top and you can get to the bottom just as quickly. And we, we did have days like that, especially early on where you know when things weren’t so sure and they weren’t so strong and they weren’t so healthy yet and we would be doing really well and then the next day we would tank. And we were having a lot more episodes of apnea and breathing stopping, and a couple of times when they did have to be resuscitated early on, or caffeine things, things like that. So I think that maybe was the biggest shock for me of the NICU, I guess, is how different one day can be from the last. You can leave one day thinking, okay, we’re doing great. Like they were awesome today. There were no problems. I remember talking to Eric at 11:00 o’clock at night sometimes and being like, yeah, they were all doing so good today. They looked great. And then I would get there at 8:00 in the morning and they would be like, yeah, we had 14 Bradys during the night and it was like, oh, but I thought we were doing so well. And, you know, the same with other families around us that, you know, one day was great and oh, they’re talking maybe we’ll go home this weekend, but then, you know, go home day would come and it was no, we’re going to be here another week. So just how different I think every day could be, and riding the NICU rollercoaster, quite literally, I think was a shock for us.
Along the same lines, when talking about the NICU roller coaster, one of the surprising things, which is good, is how serious they do take their health care, and the apnea and the breathing and the heartbeat. Sylvie, who is the one that discharged first, her initial discharge date, she actually had an episode of that and they said no, she’s not going home today. We want to keep her for three more days to monitor and make sure that this doesn’t happen again. So while at that time it was very disheartening because we were so excited already had taken off from work and we were ready to bring her home, but that happened. But at the same time we know that there’s a reason for that happening, that it’s good that it was there and that they’re professionals are taking it that serious, and they weren’t going to waive because we could get home and she could have it and we don’t have any of the fancy monitors or machines hooked up to her and something could happen while she’s sleeping and we would have no clue.