with Essence Wylie

In this video, Essence Wylie, TXARNG, discusses being a military mom.

Transcript

Hello, everyone. Today I’m in conversation with Essence Wylie, and we’re going to talk about the topic minority health equity. We’re so glad to have you here. Thank you. It’s so good to be here. 

What is your experience of being a military mom?

Wow. It’s kind of like drinking from a water hose or a fire hose. There is so much information out there for a first time mom. I would say that I am exhausted but it’s also the most fun I’ve ever had. My little one here will be 12 weeks on Wednesday and it’s been a huge adjustment, but I’ve been blessed to have a great community of family and friends and a wonderful, supportive partner in my husband and I would say we’re making it.

What was it like to be pregnant during the military?

So, I’ve been a part of the National Guard for the past eight years and being a mom in the military is something that I knew would be a bit of a struggle, and it starts when you’re pregnant. There were a lot of things that I still wanted to do and was able to do, but there were some aspects of my job that I couldn’t do as well. Something about being out in the motor pool, working on a diesel truck, 8 1/2 months pregnant probably wasn’t the best idea, so I was lucky that my unit did have a modified workload for me according to Army standards, so I was able to still do my job and do my training, but in a way that worked with my pregnant body. 

One thing that does make it difficult is when I do go to training, having reliable childcare is a big concern for myself as well as a lot of other military families. And I do think it is harder sometimes on the military moms because with the dads they’re expected to go away. With military moms, we’re expected to be there. So when I go to training and I’m breastfeeding, it just creates a little bit of a different challenge that you have to work through. 

Any health concerns during your pregnancy?

I did have several different health concerns or complications during my pregnancy. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes when I was about 10 weeks pregnant. Typically they don’t even test for that until much later, but I did have some risk factors that had been identified. And I am so grateful that they tested me early and identified it early and that I was able to manage it better throughout my pregnancy. I didn’t even know that race and ethnicity was one of the predictive factors for that, or I should say risk factors, to be more specific. And that was one of the things that really opened my eyes to the differences in healthcare and the differences in disease and complication presentation amongst different ethnicities as well. 

What resources helped you during pregnancy?

I am all about two things, I would say. Number one would be research. I place a lot of weight on the research and studies and opinions of the experts. So I do spend a lot of time reading up on best practices for infants and child rearing and everything. And then the other one is just community. I have such a large group of really amazing, amazing women and moms and dads in this community and I do my best to pick their brains because maybe they’ve experienced something that I haven’t. So when they say that it takes a village, I really lean into that. 

What is your advice to new moms?

My advice to other new moms is that you do know your baby best. Don’t be afraid to voice concerns that you’re having. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. There are no dumb questions when we’re all trying to do what’s best for our babies. Reach out if you need help, whether that’s mentally, physically, emotionally. Reach out to someone you trust. Friend, family member, professional. And soak it all in. This is only my first time, but it’s already going by so fast and just embrace it. 

Have you experienced mom guilt?

There is so much mom guilt, and it can be triggered by just about anything really. And we’re all just trying to do our best, but still I worry every day. Am I feeding him enough? Is he sleeping enough? When I go back to work, how will I feel dropping him off at daycare, letting someone else raise my kid? And all of those thoughts just kind of jumbled together in your head and it’s something that I’m slowly trying to work through and give myself grace to figure things out day by day. And, you know, I’m not going to be a perfect mom. None of us are. We can’t be and that’s not the goal, or it shouldn’t be because you’re just going to fall short every time. So just learning to be gentle with myself and gentle with him because as much as he’s learning to be a person in the world, I’m learning to be somebody’s mom for the first time, too. 

What are your opinions about health equity?

Being a Black woman and pregnant was a bit of a scary time for me because I do like to research and I had seen the statistics on black mothers and complications in pregnancy and maternal death in black women is typically higher. So going into pregnancy I was terrified. I was terrified to be pregnant. I was terrified to give birth. I was scared that somebody was going to miss something or I would just end up being another statistic. And what helped me was, once again being armed with the research so I did know the statistics, but knowing them and trying not to be scared by them helped me be knowledgeable going into it, so I could kind of reassure myself in some ways. I also have a very supportive partner who was willing to be an advocate for me throughout the whole experience, which was so immensely helpful. And then finally my care team was absolutely phenomenal. My OB just walked me through the gestational diabetes and was a wealth of knowledge and reassurance, and by the end of it I said if she’s not worried, I’m not worried.